Sodding No!
by PhantomPotterGirl
Summary: James is obssessed. Sirius is a dolt. Remus is muttering things under his breath like a Lunatic. And Lily's having perverted thoughts about a hot nurse, a Healer and Potter getting it on. What the bloody hell is going on?


**Hey people. Just thought I'd post this one-shot about James and Lily. I'm like totally obssessed with their love and the thousands of way it could happen :P Un-beta'd and roughly gone over so I apologize for any mistakes and grammer mistakes.**

**Disclaimer: These are incredibly dull and sucking the fun out of everything. If I _was _J.K Rowling, why would I write Fanfiction about my own characters? Honestly, I'm surprised people lash you out when you don't put these up! :P**

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**Sodding No!**

To him she was a chase. She was a beautiful; fiery fire of beauty that lashed out to him. Every time he spoke to her. Every time he joked at her. Every time he smiled at her. She'd lash out. She'd engulf him with her blazing fire, thinking that he had crushed him. But how she was wrong.

She only provoked him further. It only made him try even harder, to gain her attention. He wanted to seek her admiration and earn her trust. Every time she burned him, every time; there was a scar. That forever imprinted her into his mind. The scorching heat didn't hurt him, it left him breathless. Confused and addicted, it left him wanting more.

So he watched.

He stared from a distance. Never doubting or losing his gaze, never thinking anything else but her. He would continue forever and ever. That is until she lashed out to him again. Until he let her sharp tongue sting him with those words again. Until she swallowed him whole and spit him out again.

He didn't know why it was so appealing to him that she hurt him indirectly. But just the thought her piercing green eyes cut through him like knives brought the thrill and adrenaline rush through his veins.

So he watched.

He stayed; staring from the distance and creating looks of confusion from the ones all around him. Except for the Marauders, that is. They were used to this as Prongsie's-going-to-stalk-Evans-until-she-threatens-him-with-worthy-of-Azkaban-spells-used-on-a-human thinking mode. And happily, they taunted him mercilessly (more likely Siruis did, Remus to far too busy studying. And Peter was downright terrified that James would jinx him to next week) about snogging her passionately in a broom closet somewhere.

And sadly, he didn't stop staring. And the teasing didn't stop. And Lily wanted to tear his guts out and strangle him with his own intestines, didn't stop either.

So that is why, poor James Potter was sitting in the Gryffindor Common Room, staring at Lily Evans working on her Potions essay. Seated to his right was Siruis Black, his best friend; going on and on about his amazing snog makeout session with a so-called hot Ravenclaw. Remus Lupin was to his left, reading a mythological creatures and where to find them guide. Peter Pettigrew, their other friend was off to a seemingly boring detention with the Hogwarts ghastly caretaker, Argus Filch.

"– so then she pushed me up to the door and I knew that simply wouldn't do. I am the Amazing Bodacious and Sexy Siruis Black, master of dating and womanizing skills; and this inexperienced blonde Ravenclaw was all up in my Siruis Charm? I knew then that she just had to go. So I –" Siruis looked at James, whom was well off staring into Evans. Pretending to be hurt, he whined loudly in a whiny voice. "Prongsie! You aren't even listening to me! Moony! Prongs isn't listening to me! Aren't you going to go off and tell him that it's rude to not listen to other people, especially as hot and amazing as me, in long and complicated words that I can't pronounce?" his inky grey eyes shot to the sandy-haired boy.

"Oh sorry." Remus closed his book, marking his place and turned towards Siruis, whom was looking up to him with his puppy-dog eyes look. "Were you saying something?"

Siruis' jaw dropped. Was he just called off by Remus? What in the bloody hell was going on with the world?

"You'd better close that mouth Siruis, or as muggles say, you could catch flies with how wide its open."

Siruis snapped his jaw shut, and rubbed his chin. Staring at Remus in a peculiar way.

"And how exactly would you know what muggles say?" he asked smugly.

"Muggle Studies." He answered.

Siruis was still confused. When in the bloody hell did he take _Muggle Studies _for a subject?

Remus rolled his eyes and muttered 'of course you wouldn't know.'

"You know. The class that we all were forced to take by James because Lily was there?" Remus gave him an encouraged look.

Siruis was still confused.

Remus' head fell into his hand in aggravation. "Oh Bugger. The one where you go girl-hunting and end up slapped in the face every time by Marlene McKinnon?"

A bell rung in Siruis' brain, "Ohh, so _that's _what class it was! I thought it was free period or something..." he trailed off in deep thought.

Remus muttered for about the thousandth time that day why he friends with a total idiot like Siruis. Then again, there was a lot of things that Remus asked himself for the last six years and he still never got the answer.

Thanks to Siruis every short attention span, he concentrated once more onto James.

"Oi James. James. Prongs. Prongsie! Prongsie oh love of my life! PRONGS!" Siruis thought for a moment and yelled loudly, "JAMES O'BRIAN POTTER, LISTEN TO ME YOU OBSSESSED DOLT!"

With a strangled yelp, James fell onto the floor, knocked a vase and smashed it that send a first-year Gryffindor falling onto the table and knocking it down as well; the contents of that table sent another first-year flying to the nearby wall and causing the uproar of every Gryffindor in the Common Room laughing hysterically.

"Oh Merlin – gasp – you – gasp – should've seen – your face!" Siruis went off in another fit of hysterical giggles.

James scowled annoyingly. "Sod off Pads. One of these days, I'm going to murder you."

"Might as well do it now. It'll relieve a load of heavy weight off our arses." Remus replied dismissively. His nose once again buried into his book.

"Who knew my best mates were plotting my death right in front of me?" Siruis stood up, his face still flushed from laughing madly.

"Everyone, Siruis. They're always plotting."

"Wonderful! I never knew I was so popular!" Siruis grinned widely. He then caught sight of a sly fifth-year blonde winking at him. He brushed his hair back and smiled charmingly. "Excuse me gentlemen. Looks like I'm being called for tonight." He then strolled handsomely towards her, grabbed her by the waist and exited the Common Room. More likely to find a broom closet somewhere.

"That's just sad." Remus stood up and tucked his book under his arm. "I'm going to the kitchens to grab something to eat. Want anything?"

James shook his head slowly, his hand under his chin and once again staring at Evans in a stalkerish like way.

"Right. See you." He then proceeded towards the exit, knowing that James was too busy staring at Evans to do anything progressively. Even to go to the bathroom.

And that did worry Remus. A lot.

* * *

Lily Evans was fuming. Fuming so much she was surprised her face didn't turn into the colour of her hair. It's his entire fault.

James-Bloody-Potter.

Why! Why for the love of Merlin was he so obsessed with her! She was even more surprised that there wasn't an actual name for the Lily Evans Obsession Disorder. That's what he had. L.E.O.D! He needed to be bloody put in St Mungo's before someone (more likely her) kills him! Not that she cares about him. No. No way. Just so that she'd be free from him because he'd be in St Mungo's eating effing hospital food and _not _annoying the bloody hell out of her by some bloody blonde hot nurse.

Wait a second – hot nurse? Why in the hell was she feeling angry of the fact of Potter being fed food by some bloody blonde nurse bimbo somewhere? Maybe she was going to have an affair with them and keep Potter there on purpose because she enjoyed drugging him with Firewhiskey and shagging him senseless in his sleep? Maybe he enjoyed it too? OH MY GOD, what if the HEALER was in on it too? Maybe they're all DOING A THREESOME?

_THUMP! _

Lily's head came in brutal contact with the table. Bad Lily, Bad Lily, BAD LILY! Since when was she overcome by thoughts of Potter having a threesome with a healer and a nurse in St Mungo's? Bad Lily, Bad Lily, Bad Lily! Her head still coming up and down on the table as she thought it was the best way to get rid of her disgustingly perverted images of Potter and the Threesome.

Sodding Potter, with his sodding obsession with her and not SODDING LEAVING HER ALONE. If only. If only she could push him off the Astronomy Tower. She's sure that no one was going to miss him. He was effing Potter. The foul dirty smelling filthy git that wouldn't bloody leave her alone.

"Hey Eva-"

"LEAVE ME ALONE YOU SODDING OBSSESSED PIECE OF TOERAG! I WILL NOT EVER, _EVER, EVER _GO OUT WITH YOU. GET IT THROUGH YOUR THICK HEAD POTTER. JUST BUGGER OFF WITH YOUR SO-CALLED MARAUDERS. YOU'VE GOT FRIENDS; I'VE GOT FRIENDS SO WHY ARE YOU BLOODY FOLLOWING ME EVERY SODDING SECOND ASKING ME OUT WHEN THE ANSWER'S ALWAYS NO? WHEN YOU'VE GOT OTHER EFFING FRIENDS TO STALK? GO TO ST MUNGO'S AND SHAG THAT BLOODY NURSE AND HEALER SENSLESS YOU PRICKHEAD! AND CALL FOR A BLOODY PSYCHIATRIST ABOUT THE L.E.O.D YOU'VE GOT! JUST –"

"Uhh – I was just going to ask for a quill...and – what the Merlin is L.E.O.D?" James said uncertainly.

Lily was breathing heavily with her arms poised in the air with her heavy and very large Potions book about to close in on James' big ego of a head. James was cowering in fear, with his arms over his head like a little hedgehog with glasses and annoyingly messed up hair.

Suddenly, the Common Room was quiet. So quiet that you could even hear the sounds of Siruis snogging the living daylights out of that blonde Gryffindor from the second floor in that broom closet.

Lily's face suddenly went bright red from embarrassment and anger. Embarrassment because everyone was looking at her like ticking time bomb and she had revealed her perverted thoughts about Potter in St Mungo's.

Anger because Potter caused her to make a scene.

Again.

After a few moments of awkward silence, James got the nerve to stop his defensive position and look for Lily's brain that apparently shut down when he asked her for a quill.

"Um Evans. Evans. _Evans..._" He waved a hand in front of her frozen face. "Evans...Flower? Uh – Lily...?"

That did the trick.

Lily? Since when did Potter ever call her Lily? Seemingly a sensation of thrill shot up her spine by the sound of her name from his lips...

BAD LILY!

She just was about to hit herself with her Potions book when she realized that'll just make her look like a sodding idiot.

Not that she hadn't already done it.

"Potter. Just take the bloody quill and leave me alone to plot your painful death in peace." She hissed and grabbed her rolls of parchment before stomping up to her dormitory.

Although, she couldn't help but have the thought of the way his hazel eyes were melting her when he'd said her name. Or the way that he'd said her name.

Not that she liked him or anything.

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**What do you think? Should I make this a two-shot or something? I didn't really like the ending. Thought it was a little rushed, BUT I didn't have anything else to put in there so bear with me! :P**

**Please review **

**~Luvs Twikadevra **


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